That, to me is the most overused word in the English language - real talk.
When your a child, everyone is your friend. You see them everyday in school, you play with them at the playground and that one day you forgot your lunch on the bus, they shared theirs with you - and BAM, friends forever. You go friendship bracelet crazy and convince your mom that she is your sister that she SO forgot to have! Then one day, you’re absent for whatever reason…you return to school to find out that your BFF has befriended someone else in your absence…and your world as you knew it has crashed .
Or so you feel…at 11 years old.
The sad thing is, even as an adult, there are people who still haven’t mastered the TRUE meaning of the word friendship. Aristotle defines it as “A single soul dwelling in two bodies”. Different people have different definitions of friendship. For some, it is the trust in an individual that he / she won’t hurt you. For others, it is unconditional love. There are some who feel that friendship is companionship.
I’ve come to realize that I .. don’t have many people in my world who fit that definition.
I’ve always been the “go to” girl. Whenever my “friends” have an issue, I’m almost certain I’m in the top 3 people they call to vent to. Whenever they are super freaking happy about their love lives, I’m in the top 2. Now, I know what you guys are thinking - that’s what friendship is, right? Well, I would agree..only, I always thought that friendship was a 2 way street. I’m not saying that everyone in my life is a self-centered, self-involved bitch BUT if the chancletas fit… you know the rest. It’s just really sad how people forgot the ones who have been there..the ones who stay there…and the ones who will probably NEVER leave. They’re down for you when things are okay in your life - and the minute you hit a rough path, they run for the hills. After all, they can’t possible let your stuff rub off on them & pull them down, right?
My grandma once told me ” friendship is a leaky ship”..never have more brilliant words been spoken.
So, I was on my daily roams thru the halls of youtube..when I came across this video.
….and I cried.
Which is not abnormal for me because I am an emotional person. I cry during commercials (hey, hallmark had some killer ones a few yrs back!).
But, this video hit dead home…landed right at my feet. When I was around 6, I has scarlet fever..twice. The 2nd time, I developed mastoiditis …which cause me to go completely deaf for 2 yrs. In the time, I learned to sign & because I wasn’t born deaf, I still had my ability to speak, but I didn’t often bcuz my sisters would always sign to me that I sound weird…yeah, great bunch of gals THEY are .*eye roll* I went to school…my parents never treated me any differently and although I knew I was “different”, I didn’t care much. That was until I got around other kids…they asked questions that I couldn’t answer…made fun of my hearing aids…a bunch of other random things that I don’t care to discuss.
Then one day, I started hearing stuff again…out of one ear. Long story short…As it stands right now, I have something like 75% in one ear & 15% in the other…and I still, at almost 28 yrs old, it hurts. I always have to give myself a pep talk when I meet someone new ..convince myself to tell people about my impairment…because even in 2008, there are horribly ignorant people. I tell people ” Okay listen..I have hearing issues..blah blah blah. Even if I can’t hear you, I can read your lips.” Do you know how many people YELL at me? Or mumble? Or get irritated when I put the subtitles on while watching tv or a movie? Or just get plain frustrated when I said ” huh? ” or ” Can you repeat that?”. The worst is when the people who claim to love you ( i.e family, close friends, SIGNIFICANT OTHERS) do stupid shyt like turn their backs and talk shyt because they know you can’t hear them nor can you read their lips OR continue to comment on how loud you talk KNOWING that you only talk loud because you can’t hear yourself!
Needless to say, this video brought back a lot of sucky memories…and my message to the “hearing people” is this:
Imagine you woke up tomorrow…and you were in another country. No idea how you got there…and you can’t get home. Then you realize that NO one speaks your language..and they laugh at you for it…refuse to help you or even attempt to show you any compassion. I mean, it’s not your fault that you’re stuck in this place…and you don’t know how it happen. All you want is for someone to help you…or at least understand. That is how every deaf/hearing imparied person feels. We don’t expect everyone to run out & learn sign language…we just want you to understand that it’s not our fault and we don’t know why this has happen to US….we just want to live like everyone else and be loved & needed…
I’m still on my reduction. So far, I’ve lost btwn 10-12 lbs (depending on what scale I get on lol). I guess I’m okay with that, but I was expecting better results, I suppose. Basically, I want to FEEL smaller…and I don’t. A few people have told me I look like I’ve been working hard, but I think that’s just because they are aware. When a complete stranger or someone I haven’t seen in a while says so, THEN I will feel like I’m doing something.
On the bright side, since my journey had begun, I have felt 100% better energy-wise. I don’t feel sluggish in the morning & I have energy all thru the day. Could be the 7 vitamins I take a day too.
All in all, I’m not stopping until I reach my goal! 36 more to go ! Stay tuned
I stated 2 posts ago that ” a change is coming” …and then neglected to state what that was in my next blog (sorry, Neevie lolz).
I am on a reduction. Some of you know it as a diet. I refuse to call it such because DIETS DON’T WORK!!!!
I decided that while I love myself & although I don’t have MAJOR issues with my weight, I would like to become healthy & spend less on clothes. Do you know that a shirt @ Lane Bryant cost anywhere from $30 - $60?? JUST a shirt!!! I love to shop & money isn’t a huge issue, but I’d rather pay that much and get more than one thing. Also, for those who don’t know..I have a huge bust area. I want one day to have a reduction, but first I would like to try & shrink these jokers on my own. Did you know your breast are 20% muscle & 80% fat? Yep..it’s true. So with the right foods & exercise, you can lose a considerable amount of size from them. Now, I have no desire to go back to my old weight of 135 lbs. I just think I would look crazy at that size. My goal right now is 46 lbs. I haven’t given myself a deadline because I don’t want to kill myself trying to meet it. I am on a 2 lb a week reduction tho.
As far as food, I’ve made a few changes. I make sure that I ALWAYS eat breakfast. Skipping meals doesn’t help at ALL…matter of fact, it actually hurts you. I’ll have a bowl of cereal (Special K, Fiber One, etc.) with fat free milk & some sort of fruit…usually half of a pink grapefruit. Today I had Special K waffles..they were GREAT! Also, you have to make good choices. Like, if you want syrup, you can’t have butter or vice versa. If I want ice cream, I have sorbet or instead of going to Coldstone, I’ll make my own sundae at home using frozen yogurt & light or fat free toppings and lots of fruit. I’ve started to eat less meat & more veggies and meatless products ( Morningstar Farms Chik patties are GREAT!) . I document pretty much everything I eat on http://www.thedailyplate.com/. I even put how much mayo or mustard I use ( bcuz they have calories too!!) That site is very helpful in helping you keep track of your intake, as well as giving you healthier alternatives. You can put in your weight, how much you want to lose & tell you how many calories you should intake in order to reach your goal.
Also, you can put in your workouts for the day. Did you know that pretty much EVERY activity you do burns some sort of calories? Even taking a SHOWER! For me, to lose 2 lbs a week, I have to burn 7000 calories. That reads like a lot, but if you find things you like to do, it happens quickly. For me, it’s the treadmill,the pool & walking. If I have somewhere to go & it’s not far, I walk. Although I’m not a strong swimmer, I do a few laps and water exercises. If it’s too hot to be outdoors, I use the Walk Away The Pounds indoor walking DVD http://www.lesliesansone.com/. She is a DRILL SARGENT!! lolz…but it’s worth it.
All in all, I just want to improve my life..make some of these aches & pains go away…I want to live a LONG happy life..and getting some of this weight off will help me do just that : )
I know I’ve neglected this blog as far as updates go, but I’ve slapped myself across the wrist for it. Things just came up - you know, as they do - and life sucked, and then ice cream was eaten, and then life resumed pleasantly. I still laugh like a hyena and I still dance like George Michael circa ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go‘, which are both indications that I am A-okay.
