how NOT to change

First off, I must say… I’m the one with the problem… not everyone else. I’ll admit that…

I’m nuts. No matter all of the bs and hurtful things that I have been through from my childhood, family, friends, and lovers, somehow I have managed to still view the world with a childlike disposition. I have feelings, I have emotions… I’m so weak with it… that I even have the nerve to share them… go figure… It’s crazy. Somehow, everyone has learned to accept that the world is a fukked up place, where everyone is out to hurt us… so you better hurt them first… or If someone hurt you, dont let them know… pretend to not feel… Someone hurt you? You better go hurt someone else! Me being the psycho that I am, I’ve never been able to get with that program… so again I admit that its me… everyone else gets it! I’m always smiles and open arms… trusting, believing & loving… & would you believe that I get hurt? LOL! Geez! Instead of convincing myself, that I dont care… fukk them.. they wack anyway… or finding someone else to take it out on… I just let the person know… They don’t care of course, but I am the lame that will actually let you know. Recently I encountered another hurt again… I was soo close to becoming a non-feeler like everyone else. Why should I care? Nobody else does. Then I caught myself. I’m a different type of person. Most of the people I associate with and my friends are superficial or already been hardened by their past… so they say… dont call them, dont tell them… etc. But I always break down. I can’t pretend to be something that I’m not. So I turn the cheek like Jesus… ready to get slapped again… but thats my strength. I can take a good slap. Most people cant take anymore hurt, so they block out feelings, lie, have walls or whatever to protect themselves. How can you blame them? So I dont. I just trust in life & know that no matter what, oneday you will realize that everyone out here aint bad. I’ll be the example. (Instead of getting angry & on my bs… resentful & revengeful like… “you’ll be sorry later” bs… This is how I know that the superficial means nothing. On some non-cocky; I’m beautiful inside & out, great personality, talented, in magazines, songs on the radio…etc.. but at the end of the day, it means nothing) I love being me soo much that I almost forgot that I gotta take the bad that comes with it. Never let another person’s actions change you for the worse. It’s not your fault. Using a strong armor to protect a weak inside makes so much sense. I’ve been cursed(blessed) with a heart of steel & no armor.

Lucky me!