eyes wide shut.

You ever wake up and realize that the life you were living was a lie? That everything you held near and dear to you doesn’t really exist?

Let me tell you…that shit is HORRID.

weight loss and other stuff.

Okay so this is a 2 part blog. I want to update you guys on my “reduction”, as well as talk about other stuff.

First things first- I am now down 35 lbs. *throws confetti* I am beyond excited and way proud of myself – because there were times that I wanted to give up…thought I truly wasn’t going to make it. But I have awesome friends who have kept me going and encouraged me beyond belief! I am so thankful for them . Soooo… I have ammended my original plan to just get down to a size 14..because as it stands, I’m not even at my goal and I’m at that size. So, now I’m onward to size 12..maybe even 10, but we’ll see *smile*

The second part of this blog is called “onegirl2pots.com” . I’m not certain that is a real website, but it should be. It’s not for porn,it’s more for the people who want their cake and eat it too.

For the people who DON’T want you – yet can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else and for that reason alone, try and keep you close enough to watch you, but don’t want you TOO close.

I have a message for anyone who does this, has does this or is thinking of doing this – STOP IT!

You cannot keep your finger in 2 pots – you have to decide which one contains the most appealing contents…and take solely from that one.

Be VERY careful what you ask for and be absolutely certain that is what you want…because in the words of Jay-Z ” Once a good girl’s gone-she’s gone forever”…..

goodbye.

There’s nothing but the good country surrounding me. The
moon is shining brightly over the tree tops and its reflection
on the water is such a beautiful sight. This is a perfect
place for two people who are in love …

As I sit here thinking about all the time I have wasted,
just sorting out my life — I never really realized what
loneliness was until you were gone. It seemed as though
things were going so good until one day you left without a
single trace. All of our plans for the future were
shattered. There was to be no more of you and I together.
You were gone, gone forever. I still remember the times we
shared, but slowly these memories are going too. One day
they’ll be gone just like you …

I’m trying desperately to find you and bring you back to me.
I dream about you every day and pray that you’ll come back,
but it’s hopeless. There’s no use in pretending, cause deep
down in my heart I know you’ve found another. Someone to take
my place, someone who’ll love you — but never like I loved
you. And even though you’ve found another, I’ll be true to
you, even though you’ve asked me not to …

My life seems so meaningless now. I’m useless – why was I
ever placed on this earth? What purpose do I serve? None,
none whatsoever. People tell me that another will come along
and take your place, but where is she? Who is she? Sometimes
I feel like giving up on life, on love, on everything, but I
can’t. My spirits won’t let me. I must go on – with or
without you. The things that ever really meant anything to
me are gone – vanished – never to come back to me again. All
I have left now is my dignity, but slowly that is slipping
away too …

I have to get a grip on myself — I can’t let this get me
down. Life must go on. Maybe it’s good that the memories are
going, maybe then I can go on with my life as meaningless as
it seems now. I don’t hold it against you because you left
me. It’s like they always say, “Let her go and if she really
loves you, she’ll come back to you.” But it’s not that
simple, now is it? The only way to having true love is to
realize that someday it may be lost. Believe me, I realized
that a long time ago …

The funny thing about all of this is if you were to come
back – I actually don’t believe I would take you back. I
don’t deserve such pain and torture. If you left me once,
you could do it again …

Goodbye, my long lost love – maybe we’ll meet again some day.

Letting go of someone you love and accepting that they no longer want to be with you can be a painful thing to cope with. But the heart does heal; it’s just some just take longer than others. And remember you’ve lived much of your life without this person before, and you can do it again. You just need to be strong, and hang on.